THE FIVE MOST PATRIOTIC GI JOE CARTOONS
(JUST TWO DAYS LATE FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY)
EPISODE TITLE: “Rocket’s Red Glare”
Reasons: Duh, the title. The story centers on middle class (minority) Americans trying to run a small business. The Joes help them. Oh, and it has people eating hamburgers. How American is that?
Bonus Reason: Roadblock ends the episode with an impromptu freestyle … wait for it.
EPISODE TITLE: “GI Joe: The Movie”
Reasons: The opening sequence; easily the most patriotic 3 and a half minutes ever drawn.
EPISODE TITLE: “The Revenge of Cobra: The Vines of Evil”
Reasons: The Joes protect Washington, DC and all its monuments from giant balls of hail. With energy mirrors. Created by a black doctor. Who graduated from Harvard. Try and top that for patriotism.
EPISODE TITLE: “The Great Alaskan Land Rush”
Reasons: Begins with the Joes transporting the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence. The Joes fight/cooperate with Russia’s elite force, The Oktober Guard, to decide the fate of Alaska. Cold War era patriotism at its finest.
EPISODE TITLE: “Sink the Montana”
Reasons: General Hawk goes to the Philadelphia Naval Yards to attend the decommissioning of a WWII battleship. The Admiral defects to save his ship. The Joes save the day by setting sail on the Navy’s oldest ship: the USS Constitution.
Bonus DIC episode
EPISODE TITLE: “Kindergarten Commandos”
Reasons: Cobra attempts to undermine American society by rewriting US history. That’s right, pro-Cobra textbooks for kids. In the end, Cobra is defeated by a group of kids, Red Dawn-style. Sort of.